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Why It Can Be So Hard To Change?

Why is it so hard to change?_Limassol CounsellingOften, you may feel trapped in a situation, a habit or an unhelpful attitude that has negative effects on your life, well-being or relationships with other people. This could be anything, for example it could be smoking or another kind of addiction, it could be your lack of assertiveness or an aggressive attitude towards others, wrong choices of relationship partners and so on. Initially, you may be unaware of the negative effects that this particular habit, attitude or thinking pattern may have on you. But gradually, as you continue doing what is not helpful to you, you are bound to experience an unpleasant outcome. You may start realizing that your habit creates obstacles to your life balance and wonder how you could overcome or beat it. But human nature is such that even when you know what you need to change, you may find it impossible to practically do it. The habit is deeply ingrained in you because you have lived with it for too long and it seems unreal to let it go and open yourself up to a new possibility.
The following poem by Portia Nelson is entitled “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” and illustrates perfectly the struggle we sometimes go through in order to to transform our attitude.

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Until we decide to walk around the hole or even better choose a different way, we will always fall into it and will always experience the negative feelings that come with it.
So what are you waiting for? Are you still walking down the same street, falling into the same hole?
What have you been doing all this time that has brought the same negative results to you?
What needs to be changed in your situation?
Are you ready to change your ways?
Remember the poem to get encouragement and inspiration in your effort to establish a new, more helpful attitude.